What You Can Do To Prevent Infidelity

Marriage, Relationships — By on November 24, 2010

What can you do to stop a partner from cheating? Well, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply dating, the answer is the same–nothing.  Yes, there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop another person from cheating—and you really shouldn’t have to!  However, in light of the numerous marital scandals on display for the world to see and brutally pass judgment upon these days—Tony Parker’s getting caught by text messages on his iPhone, Fantasia testifying in court that she knew her boyfriend was married, Cher admitting decades later that she considered suicide when she found out Sonny was cheating—I thought it apropos to remind anyone reading this what marriage is and what marriage most certainly is not… since we as a society seem to have completely and totally forgotten. Marriage is a lifetime commitment–and this is my hissyfit for the day.

Recently, a newlywed girlfriend of mine confessed her fears about infidelity and her new marriage. “I want to make sure that I’m taking good care of my marriage,” she said. “It seems like everyone is cheating and it’s just so sad and unnerving.” My response to this was to remind her that she had chosen a good partner and not to worry—but that there was nothing she could do to stop her husband from cheating, if he ever chose to do so (more on that in another post).

My point? Unfortunately, there’s no amount of “caring for a marriage,” or any relationship for that matter, that any woman can do to stop the type of man who would cheat on his wifefrom doing it (or vice versa). And I just want to shout it from the rooftops because it’s not the shortcomings of a partner or the state of a marriage that causes infidelity. The cause of infidelity is simply a choice on the part of a partner who decides to engage in it. Blaming infidelity on anything other than personal choice is simply an excuse for bad behavior (except maybe in the case of sexual addiction … and even that is debatable). So, let’s not “think” like some women and fool ourselves into believing that there’s anything we can do or not do to keep our husbands and boyfriends from cheating on us, ladies. Yes, be attentive to your relationship and to your significant other, but don’t let preventing someone else’s behavior be your motivation.  Let love and honesty be your motivation alone and choose your partner in life wisely.  And if, unfortunately, you find you’ve chosen un-wisely…dare to choose again! 

Share Your Hissyfit: What is the funniest (worst) lie a two-timer has ever tried to sell you?

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4 Comments

  1. Ms. Take says:

    “And if, unfortunately, you find you’ve chosen un-wisely…dare to choose again!”

    So are you saying, that you must give up on your marriage if your mate cheats?

    Is that something you would consider?

    Also, are you stating that some women do not neglect their men, and in so doing, unconsciously push their men to another woman? I think even women neglecting themselves can push a man to another woman….or man.

    Finally…
    Who is the “type of man who would cheat on his wife?”
    Is he the slick talker, the abuser or the one who seems to be so deeply in love with his wife?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Wow, I think I dated that guy, too.

  3. Anonymous says:

    When I was in high school my “boyfriend” told me that we had to keep our relationship a secret because his x-girlfriend’s mother worked at our school as a guidance counselor and she might not write his Ivy League college recommendation if she knew he’d dumped her daughter for me (this included not going to the prom together as well). He dated us both throughout high school and college–well, he tried to, LOL!

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